Many Circles of Hell
At first, you simply believe that everything is fine, that your relative will contact you soon. And you wait: a day, two, three… Then you ask everyone who might be able to answer: “How many days is considered normal for defenders not to get in touch?” You ask friends in the military, friends whose husbands are at war, volunteers who go to the front, Google…
After that, you find instructions on how to search for someone who disappeared during the full-scale invasion and hand in the required forms. Cold procedures, fear and love for my missing brother. Now his 18-year-old son, together with his 76-year-old mother, writes a missing person statement for the police.They take a DNA test at the station.
After long searches for phone numbers and attempts to call morgues and hospitals, you receive a few answers – according to documents and personal signs, not found in our department among known or unknown military personnel. Hope.
When someone close to you goes missing you go through many circles of hell. You fill out all the necessary questionnaires, papers, call everywhere, “ring all the bells.” And then the time of daily, monotonous monitoring comes… searching searching searching in videos and photos of captives, checking Telegram channels set up to find missing persons. There are many of them, each has from 10,000 to 20,000 participants.
Now and then, more often late in the evening, the comments break with the cries of someone’s soul: “Where are you, my dear? … Why did I let you go? … Where can I look for you? … How should I continue to live?” Sometimes in the midst of pleas for help you come across the message “STOP SEARCH. Found. Alive.” And then everyone rushes to congratulate the one whose relative appeared from the abyss of obscurity. Sometimes the words are” STOP SEARCH” followed by “He went to heaven. Our hero became an angel.” And then the whole channel explodes: “You are not alone. Eternal memory to the hero. Glory to the hero.”
The understanding comes — how many people in Ukraine are currently looking for their loved ones. Same trouble, different situations. Someone is trying to find a young man – he recently had a baby. Someone is looking for an older man – his grandchildren are waiting for him to play with them at home. And here is a photo of a boy, his mother’s only son. I look into his face, count his years, and realize that he is about the same age as my eldest, not even 20 years old yet. Officially, the number of missing is over 25,000.
One extraordinary administrator of a popular search channel created a private “Discussion group.” It is incredible! Girls and women share their anxieties, hopes and expectations. This is a space where everyone is united by one problem and one goal – to find their loved one. In addition, you can learn new recipes for all kinds of delicacies, admire masterpieces of handmade beads and embroidery, see incredible sunrises and sunsets in different places of my Ukraine! One wise woman wrote: ”My son’s girlfriend is learning to drive. Today I drove with her for the first time. Girls, learn everything you can. Driving or any other courses. Set goals and go for them because now you have no one to rely on. You all have to be strong… Don’t waste time because it is so fleeting. Act boldly!”
Charity events in support of the Ukrainian Armed Forces are often announced. We who are looking for our loved ones, along with so many others in Ukraine, respond and donate to those defending our country. When I see this, it gives me faith in our Ukrainian people, in our victory.
Still, the weight and heartache of your missing relative remains. It is difficult to carry this cross. Those around you are sometimes unable to understand your pain. In a situation like this, you want to preserve your inner peace and avoid uninvited advice.
How to deal with it all!